Souzen
by JenJo
Summary: About a week after the suicide mission of ME2. Jacob is left to sort out his feelings for his current-and former-love. Rating for possible future chapters.
1. Souzen

_This is my first story, so please comment. I would appreciate any help._

She stared into his eyes, trying to fathom what was in his mind at this moment.

"Is it something I said?" she asked barely above a whisper. He shook his head, and let his eyes drop to the floor. He didn't want to look at her.

"Then what is wrong?"

"It's just.. I can't…I don't know. This just doesn't feel right," he eventually muttered, clearly unsure of himself. She draped her arms around his shoulders, and started to give them a massage. He shrugged her off, and got up from the seat. He walked around the room for a few moments, her eyes watching him the whole time. He then stopped, and walked over to where she sat. He sat on the floor at her legs, and looked up into her eyes.

"I'm just not in a good place in a moment. I never thought I would be alive long enough to have a relationship with someone, and yet here I am." He shrugged. "I survived a suicide mission._ We _survived a suicide mission. I didn't think that we would both survive, so I didn't think about where I wanted this to go. I think I just need some time…to sort out my life do you understand?"

"What I understand Jacob," she motioned him to sit back beside her on the couch. He obliged, sagging onto the couch as if he had the weight of the galaxy on his shoulders. "Is that you talk too much." She leaned in to kiss him, but he stood up before she could.

"Look, I should go. Just give me some time to sort myself out. I just need to think," he walked towards the door. Before he reached it, he turned back to her. "One thing before I go."

"Yes?" she said eager for him to stay longer.

"Are you looking for a one night stand or something lasting?" he watched her face as she thought of her answer.

"My answer is the same as it was last week before the suicide mission," she smiled at him. As the door opened, he looked back around at her. She had already put back on her normal attire, and he was disappointed as she covered her face with the hood she preferred.

"Kasumi, you look much better without your hood on..." he muttered to himself as he walked to the elevator.

Jacob returned to his usual residence only to find it in complete disarray. Granted, he hadn't been in here for a week, but surely someone else could clean up? There were assault rifles all over the ground, with the sniper rifles usually in the cupboard all over the table where spare parts were normally kept. Jacob guessed that in the rush of impending doom, everyone came here to grab anything that could shoot. He sighed, and reached down to pick up the M98 widow. He made sure to bend his knees, remembering that it weighed 39 kilograms. He struggled to lift it, and it almost dropped on the table. Jacob wondered how Shepard managed to carry it around with him. He then went around collecting all the weapons strewn around the room, and ended up with a big pile of unassorted weapons. He sighed; it would probably take him a week to organise it all.

"Is something wrong?" a voice asked from behind him. He turned around: Shepard was standing behind him.

"Just the fact that this place is a mess, and it will take me a while to fix it," he walked towards the cupboard, and heard the sound of something breaking underneath him. He saw the Claymore that Grunt was overly attached to.

"Ouch," Shepard cringed. "I don't want to be the one telling Grunt that his favourite gun is broke. But something else is wrong. Not just this mess. I can tell by your face." _Damn, Shepard is good at reading faces_ he thought to himself. Jacob simply shrugged.

"It's nothing, Commander," Jacob lied, hoping the lie would convince him. It didn't, but he decided to drop it.

"If you say it's nothing, then fine. Where's my Widow? Or did you break that too?" he asked mockingly.

"It's at the bottom of the pile," he pointed to the pile. Shepard retrieved his favourite gun, and left with a wave. Jacob sighed. _What is wrong with me?_ He thought to himself. _I have a chance with a wonderful, beautiful woman and I screw it up by not being able to move on? Miranda was obviously able to move on, so why can't I? She and the Commander may try to tell everyone otherwise, but I know that look in her eyes. It was there when we were… more than just friends and its back now. _Jacob shook off his thoughts, and began to put some order back into the armory.

_Thankyou for taking time to read this. There may or may not be more, depending on whether or not people like it and if I can come up with more chapters._


	2. Omoide

_Hi everyone._

_Firstly, thank you to those who have taken time to read my story._

_I have been busy with school and typing my father's stories, so I hadn't had a chance to update this one. I happened across some spare time at school today, and wrote this while also doing homework for International Studies. Hope you enjoy._

He received the weapons requests for the next mission. Jacob didn't know where the ground team were going, but he thought it must be dangerous, as Shepard had requested the Particle beam, among his usual requests. He saw the next weapon, the M-12 Locust Submachine Gun, the weapon preferred by Kasumi. He went and polished it up. Even though he had polished all the weapons since reorganising the armory, he wanted Kasumi to have the cleanest one. He then read the final weapon on the list: the M-6 Carnifex Hand Cannon. _Miranda's weapon_, he thought. Jacob pushed his feelings aside or at least tried to. He lay out the weapons, ready for the team to collect. Shepard arrived first.

"Good luck Commander," Jacob had stopped saluting him, instead giving words of encouragement.

"Thanks Jacob," Shepard picked up the guns and left. Miranda came next; Jacob pretended to clean Garrus' sniper rifle.

"Thank you Jacob." The fact that she used his first name surprised him, but he didn't respond. He kept cleaning the sniper rifle, pretending that he didn't hear her. She stepped closer to him, but he still didn't react.

"Did I do something to upset you? We used to talk all the time. Lately though, you seem to be in here all the time." Jacob did not respond. Miranda didn't really expect him to. When something was bothering him, he wouldn't tell anyone.

"Thanks." She said, knowing that he was listening to her. She hoped that whatever was bothering him wouldn't affect his duties. Miranda then left the room. Jacob let out a breath he didn't realise he was holding, and leant against the table. He was thinking back to one of the missions he had done with Miranda, when he felt something on his lips. Sure enough, Kasumi appeared in front of him. He kissed her back.

"How long have you been here?"

"About an hour. Is my Locust ready?" Jacob went over and got it for her.

"Freshly cleaned and polished," Jacob said with pride.

"Thanks," she said with a kiss. She began to leave the room. She reached the doorway when Jacob said, "Stay safe," She looked over her shoulder.

"Don't I always?" Kasumi smiled and donned her tactical cloak.

While the team were doing whatever it was that they were doing, Jacob managed to perform maintenance, clean and polish all the sniper rifles in the armory- of which there were twenty seven. The whole time he thought about missions that he and Miranda did together before the Lazarus Project. The mission with Ish, the Citadel mission, all of their missions together. He missed the simplicity of that life, compared to saving a galaxy that didn't want to be saved. He then recalled what he and Miranda had gotten up to _after _the missions. He shook his head, trying to get the thoughts out of his head. _That's the past_ he thought to himself, recalling a conversation he once had with Kasumi.

_He stared at her back. It had two tattoos, one on each shoulder. They looked Chinese._

"_What do these mean?" He asked her._

"_The right one means wisdom. I got it after my first heist. The group that I was with thought that it would give us wisdom to pull off the heists. It did, funny enough. At the time, I just saw it as a symbol of belonging, but it helped me." _

"_And this one?" he asked, tracing it. He did find the story interesting, but he also wanted to know what the other one was._

"_It means love. Keiji and I both got it at the same time." He could hear it in her voice: she missed him._

"_You miss him, don't you?"_

"_Every day. But don't worry. Me not loving another isn't going to bring him back. Destroying the graybox was a good idea. I'm alive, he's not. What I do-or don't-do isn't going to change that."_

_Why can't I get over Miranda? _Jacob asked himself. _It's the same as Kasumi and Keiji. Miranda will never come back to me. _His thoughts were interrupted by the intercom: it was Miranda's voice on the radio.

"Request immediate evac. Shepard and I are cornered. Hurry!" Jacob had only one thought:

_Kasumi_.


	3. shintsuu to goumon

_I happened across some more spare time at school on Thursday. It's happening a lot. _

Shepard and Miranda collapsed when brought aboard the Normandy. Both were visibly weakened by whatever happened on the planet below. It seemed that the entire crew of the Normandy had come to the CIC; evidently, they had all heard the radio, and wanted to know what happened. Doctor Chakwas pushed to the front of the crowd.

"We need to get you both to the Infirmary," She said, trying to lift Miranda. She stood up, and Shepard followed. Murmurs went through the crowd.

"What happened?"

"Didn't Kasumi go with them?"

"Alright. The commander and operative need to be medically examined," the doctor said as she lead the two through the crowds. "Any questions can be answered LATER." The trio reached the elevator, and waited for it to arrive. Jacob chose this moment to come out of the armory. He looked for Shepard, and went straight to him.

"Where's Kasumi?" He asked. Chakwas tried to send him away.

"Please lieutenant; this is not the time..." Chakwas began, but Jacob cut her off.

"Where is she?" he asked again, stepping towards Shepard.

"Please lieutenant…"

"It's ok doc," Shepard said. "The elevator's slow again. Jacob," Shepard took a breath, as if what he was about to say was difficult. "There was an ambush. It was obviously a trap. Kasumi was taken- she was clearly the target."

"Who took her? Why didn't you go after her?" Jacob asked, tears forming in his eyes. The elevator came, and Miranda entered. Shepard stepped around Jacob, putting a hand on Jacob's shoulder.

"I'm sorry Jacob. There was nothing we could do." Jacob made to follow Shepard, but Chakwas stopped him.

"No lieutenant. I need to examine them." She entered the elevator. Jacob turned around, and saw the whole CIC staring at him.

"What?" he asked the crowd and the tone of his voice caused everyone to look anywhere but at him. He walked to the armory; once inside, his emotions came out.

"EDI, don't let anyone walk in here." _Better stop anyone seeing me like this._

"Very well Lieutenant," EDI said in her synthetic voice. Jacob sat on the floor of the armory, and held his head in his hands. _Why? Why did THEY return and not Kasumi?_ _What on earth happened on that planet?_ The door chimed, bringing Jacob out of his thoughts.

"Jacob, are you ok?" Jacob recognised the voice- Kelly. _Only she could sound so bubbly now. _He raised his head, but didn't respond.

"Jacob, I know you're in there. It would be better if you talked to someone…"

"Go away Kelly," Jacob said a bit more harshly than he should have. He presumed that Kelly left, as he received no more requests to talk. He returned his head to his hands, crying softly.

"Where are you Kasumi?"

* * *

Dim lights. A solitary chair, sitting in the middle of a square room no more than two metres high, with a figure on it. The figure is slumped over, with their chin on their chest. The figure is chained to the chair by her legs, and her hands are tied behind her. There is no hope for escape. The door suddenly opens: the figure raises her head, still feelings the effects of being drugged. She cannot tell who has entered the room, as her vision is blurred. She thinks she can see ten men, but doubts that that is right.

"Good to see you are awake Kasumi Goto." The voice caused the figure to raise her head. Even though she could not see clearly see, she knew who it was by the distinct voice.

"Donovan Hock," she spat, the memories of their last encounter still fresh in her mind. "I thought I crashed your gunship." Hock simply laughed.

"You may have crashed my gunship, but I survived."

"How? I saw the explosion with my own eyes."

"Your dear Shepard survived being spaced. Is it really improbable to assume that I could survive something as small as a gunship crash?" This sparked something in Kasumi's mind- _I was here with Shepard and Miranda. Where are they?_

"Where is Shepard? Where is Miranda? Why am I here?"

"Still impatient, aren't you?" he circled her as he spoke, and she followed him with her eyes. "You are the only one here. I didn't care to take your friends. You're the one I want."

"Why?" She had gotten dizzy from following him with her eyes; so she closed them. Hock stopped in front of Kasumi, and leaned in, about twenty centimetres from Kasumi's face. She opened her eyes when she felt his breath on her face.

"You know where Keiji's graybox is. I want it back." Kasumi laughed. Hock gave her a stern look, and stepped back. Kasumi stared at him with a look of disbelief on her face. _Does he take me for a child?_

"Yeah right. Like I would tell you."

"You will tell me!" Donovan raised his hand, as if to strike, but did not strike. He simply left it in the air, ready to strike. "Where is Keiji's graybox?"

"Hollie likes bacon," Kasumi said with a smile.

"Don't play with me Kasumi," he raised his hand, and brought it to within a foot of her face. Kasumi tensed, ready for the strike. He retracted his hand. He was visibly angry. "Tell me where the graybox is!"

"Hollie likes bacon." Hock grew impatient: he was sick of Kasumi's games. He picked up a pole that was in the corner of the room, and struck Kasumi's back with it.

"I don't want to wreck your pretty face." Instead of crying out, she smiled. She did not want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he had caused her pain. Hock had a quizzical look on his face.

"Clearly you are not willing to talk. Perhaps…" he trailed off, tapping his chin.

"Perhaps what?" Kasumi asked. Hock simply walked into a corner in the room, and activated his radio.

"Conventional means are not working. Bring it in," Kasumi could not hear the voices on the other end, but clearly they did not agree with Hock. Whatever he wanted brought in, Kasumi wasn't sure that she wanted to see it. "Yes I'm sure! I'm in charge! Bring it NOW." He then walked back to Kasumi, placed a hand on each arm of the chair, and leaned in to her face again.

"You will talk Kasumi, and I will get that graybox."

_Thanks for reading. Any reviews are welcome and appreciated._

_The start of the second section is written like a Drell memory; this was not intentional. It just happened._

_I was writing during class, and a girl on my table said "Can you include Hollie likes bacon?" so I did. Just something to mess with Hock's head._

_Yeah, so maybe the "official" story is that Donovan Hock died. Maybe he wanted everyone to think that he was dead so that he could do things? Or maybe I'm just a crazy 17 year old girl who writes fan fiction. Most likely the latter._


End file.
